This week we have a guest post by Shona Macpherson. Shona is a life coach who loves outdoor adventures. She is passionate about helping people find freedom from limiting stories they tell themselves. She does this one to one work as well as Women’s Treks for Wellbeing in the beauty of the Cairngorms and through her annual Women’s Unstuckifed Retreat in the Scottish Highlands. You can find more details on all of these at the end of the post.
Over the last couple of years, I’ve felt an increasing pull – almost a seduction – to be alone outdoors in nature. Yet I’ve also felt huge doubt about my capabilities in that environment. Could I navigate well enough? Could I deal with unexpected circumstances? I felt a big grey vague shadow of ‘I’m not good enough’.
In live in the beauty that is Inverness, in the Scottish Highlands and I’ve a small but lovely outdoor community with whom I walk and cycle.
But there was something about being alone in the wild that got under my skin.
I was 39, knocking on the door of 40. I didn’t want to enter the next decade of my life riddled with “what ifs”.
I knew I had to force myself out of my comfort zone. So, I set myself a solo challenge to cycle around the Outer Hebrides in 2016.
My voices of self-doubt were real in the lead up to the trip:
“You can’t do that… You’re not fit enough. You’ve no sense of direction…”.
I now know that internal voices weren’t trying to be mean or cruel, they were trying to protect me. I know now I didn’t need their protection. I had an amazing adventure, so much so that I cycled home from Oban rather than getting the bus as planned. I didn’t want the adventure – nor the feeling that I was capable - to end.
Keeping up momentum
I wanted to keep momentum so a year later, so on September 2017, I upped the ante by soloing the NC500 on my road bike. With the millage being higher and the journey tougher, the internal stories came back.
“You can’t do that… You’re not fit enough. You’ve no sense of direction…”.
Again, I had an amazing adventure.
Sarah Williams on the Appalachian Trail
A month later I found myself hooked on a series of YouTube Vlogs, by Sarah William’s, through hiking the Appalachian Trail. She’d set herself the challenge of walking the trail in 100 days.
I sat down in the comfort of my cosy home, eating my dinner, watching Sarah walk and chat about her day and I’d think “I wish I could do that…”. I’d have swapped my comfort for her adventure in a heartbeat.
As slowly and subtly as Autumn merges into Winter, so to my thoughts slowly and subtly changed.
My “I wish I could” - became - “maybe I could”.
And a new chapter in my life story was conceived!
My “maybe I could” became “I will”. I decided I was going to through hike the Pacific Crest Trail in 2019.
Cape Wrath Trail to Pacific Crest Trail.
Last year I solo hiked the Cape Wrath Trail in preparation. Again, I walked with self-doubt, we are after all old friends by now. But with each step and with each barrier faced I became a little braver. I learnt about my determination, my love of simplicity and beauty and that I was capable.
If all continues to go as planned I’ll be walking 2650 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail starting in July this year, from the US-Canadian border to the US-Mexican border.
And I know my pal self-doubt will walk with me. She’s invited and she’s welcome because I’d rather walk with her than fight her.
I’ve learnt that what we fight grows but what we accept tends to take its right place. A right sized dose of self-doubt will keep me safe and stop doing crazy river crossings or the like.
In this acceptance she takes up less space in my head. And I still get to have these amazing adventures.
More information:
Find out more about Shona’s Unstuckifed Retreat here and her Treks for Wellbeing here. She is passionate about removing barriers to women accessing the beauty of the wild so she also runs low level treks for wellbeing, find out more here.
You can follow Shona’s Pacific Crest Trail journey on her Instagram account.